You are worth more than you think

I am writing this in response to a friend's request. I shared the story with her last night, and she asked me to write it down. So here it is: It is amazing how trials can work together for our good when we turn to God, to the point that we might even say we would not want to go on in our lives without having experienced that trial. I went through a trial such as one of these while I was in school studying classical vocal music at BYU Idaho. Midway through my Junior year, I started experiencing trouble singing. I was misdiagnosed with a reflux disease called GERD. It wasn't until five years after this trial that I found out that I had a thyroid problem. Needless to say, I remember the trial became very emotional for me. Every day I would wake up in the morning and not know whether I would be able to sing or perform that night. I was constantly worried about refluxing what I ate onto my vocal chords, and despite a rigorous diet, medication, and numerous doctor visits, nothing seemed to get better. In a desperate attempt to save my failing voice, one doctor suggested for me to go on complete vocal rest for two weeks. Complete vocal rest meant that I could not talk at all to anyone for 14 days. Being as social as I am, not talking for two weeks was quite a feat. At the same time going on complete vocal rest taught me a lifelong lesson that I would never want to go on in my life without knowing. Not speaking at all for two weeks was like experiencing what life would be like without me in it. I felt like I was having a first-hand account of the movie "It's a Wonderful Life". I remember being in Sunday school and a person in the class asked a question that I knew the answer to. The teacher responded, "I don't know. Does anyone here know the answer to this question?" Being the active participator that I usually am, I wanted so badly to break the pregnant pause. But, no one answered the question, and the class moved on without knowing. I recall another day having dinner with a group of friends. By not participating and just listening, I felt like a flie on the wall watching what a conversation would be like with my friends if I wasn't there. I felt a void, knowing what I would say or how I would contribute to the conversation. A few days later I saw friend walking down the hallway in the music building. She looked very distraught. I remember wanting so badly to be able to reach out to her, but knowing that I had no way of giving her the words that would help her. This experience completely change the way I saw myself and the world around me. After two weeks of complete vocal rest, I realize that I, Holly Banfield, didn't need any other bells or whistles or talents to be of great value to those around me. I realized that I could deeply impact and uplift those around me, just by being me. Unfortunately, it was only days after I went off of vocal rest, that my voice began having issues again worse than what I had before. About a month later, the university was holding an audition for the upcoming opera. I was told by my voice teacher that I had a good chance at taking the lead,and that the director was already considering me as a candidate. A couple days later, I felt a very strong prompting that I needed to tell the director that although I wanted to be in the opera, I probably will need to be considered for a smaller role. I followed the impression, spoke to the opera conductor and then came back to my apartment to read my scriptures in order to find comfort in what I had done. As soon as I opened up the Scriptures and found myself reading D&C 18:10, "remember The word souls is great in the sight of God." I had read that scripture countless times, and even memorized it in seminary. But, that day, more than ever before, I felt as if heavenly father were saying that MY soul was of great worth in His sight. I began to cry. I felt as if so much of my life has been spent focusing mh worth on what was unimportant, as if my ladder had been leaning against the wrong wall. I felt a peaceful voice enter my mind and heart saying "and the more you turn to me the more you will know how I see you." Turning to the Lord didn't take away my trial, but it did bring me peace and lead me on the path that God wanted me to go. Fortunately, during the same time that these trials were going on, I was also teaching a Freshman music class, and assistant conducting the Women's Choir. I was amazed that every time I got done teaching, I would feel a great sense of joy and the spirit and I began to realize that Heavenly Father wanted me to pursue teaching music. I've been teaching now for six years, and I thank Heavenly Father for blessing my trials to work for my good. I love my students! And I love feeling that I am making a difference in their lives every day. Knowing and feeling Heavebly Father's worth for me allows me to be able to feel God's love and worth for his children. I feel joy in knowing that I can help his children feel of great worth by teaching them music. Years have passed since the struggles that I had singing at BYU Idaho, and many other trials have come and gone since then. But, the life long lesson I gained from my struggles to sing have given me confidence in God's love for me, my individual worth, and a confidence that every trial can become worthwhile by turning to the Lord.

Daily Bread

John 6:51 "I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever:  and the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world." 

Three years ago, I came across this scripture during a hard time in my life.  It was the perfect scripture for me, because it taught me that God will always give me my daily bread.  In other words, he will always give me what I need to be happy and enjoy the day.  It is humbling to realize that during one of the hardest times of my life, I  learned how to wake up every day and exclaim, “God has given me everything I need to be happy today,”  and live to count the blessings and multitude of tender mercies that came in my life that day. 

Today, I was reminded of this scripture and that precious time in my life.  Maybe life still isn’t where I’d like it to be, but life is still happy, beautiful, and wonderful where it is.  It reminds me of some advice that a fellow educator and mentor, Jon Linford, once counseled me.  In regards to teaching students to sing, he said, “Always be pleased, never satisfied.” In other words, always be pleased with where your students are right now, but never satisfied that they have reached the best they possibly can become. 

Today, as I read this scripture, I realized that advice could be applied to life in general.  “Always pleased, never satisfied.”   I can always be pleased with what God has given me today, but that doesn't mean I have to ever be satisfied that this is as good as it's going to get.  With God, there is always hope of better things to come tomorrow.   (Heb 9:11)

"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we  be clothed?...But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."  (Matt 6:31, 33)

It’s Sunday, and I’m excited to make it the best day ever!  Why?  Because, it’s today! J